


its always been you, it will always be you

by ThePackWantstheD



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Chuck Hansen Lives, Chuck is sixteen at the start but nothing happens, M/M, Sort Of, The canonical character death is Yancy, Underage Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17956805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePackWantstheD/pseuds/ThePackWantstheD
Summary: Raleigh Becket was twenty-one when he fell in love with Chuck Hansen.Unfortunately, the course of true love is never smooth and the Kaiju only make it bumpier.





	its always been you, it will always be you

**1\. no one taught me how to love you, but god i do**

Raleigh and Yancy were walking through the jaegar garage, Raleigh's body shaking with laughter as his brother told him a story about a date he had been on the night before, when someone slammed into Raleigh's shoulder.

"Whoa!" Yancy said, hands flying as the impact sent Raleigh crashing towards him.

"Sorry, sorry," Raleigh said, voice still filled with amusement.

He turned to apologize to whoever he had ran into, only to stop when he spotted who had ran into him.

It took him a moment to realize it, but it wasn't a man that he had bumped into, rather it was a teenage boy. It was easy to miss the boy's youth given the dark scruff growing on his jaw and the squareness of his jaw, but there was something distinctly youthful in the slimness of his body. He was shorter than Raleigh, but the rest of his body was built in a way that made Raleigh feel like the kid still had a growth spurt or two coming.

Despite how young he looked, the boy was wearing a dark green Jaegar Academy tee-shirt along with dark camouflage pants and combat boots that Raleigh recognized as being part of the uniform from his own days in the academy. It was enough to make Raleigh wonder if he had been wrong about how young the kid was. Maybe was closer than Raleigh's age than he'd though - around eighteen or nineteen?

"Watch where you're going," the boy snapped, a thick Australian accent coating the sharpness of his words. There was anger sparked in his eyes.

Raleigh knew the crash had likely been his fault, but he didn't think it warranted this level of animosity.

Before he could decide whether to chide the kid or apologize, the boy was pushing his way past the Becket brothers and down the hallway.

Raleigh glanced over his shoulder to watch him go, feeling a mixture of annoyance and curiosity.

"Who was that?" he asked, looking over at Yancy. Raleigh wasn't exactly an introvert, but Yancy was definitely more of a socialite than he was. Even though Raleigh didn't know who the kid was, there was a good chance Yancy did.

"Chuck Hansen, I think," his brother told him.

"Hansen?" Raleigh took a quick second to consider what he thought he knew before saying, "I thought Striker Eureka's pilots were named Scott and Hercules?"

"They are. Chuck is Herc's kid. He's the youngest person to enroll in the Academy. He's like... sixteen, I think?"

"What's he doing here if he's still in the Academy?"

"Not sure," Yancy said, shrugging. "I heard about him from some of Eureka's mechanics, though, and it seems like their familiar with him? So I'd guess he's around fairly often."

"Huh," Raleigh said, the curiosity in his gut only growing stronger.

* * *

The Becket brothers and the Hansen's hadn't been stationed in the same place for very long when Raleigh had his first encounter with Chuck, so he hadn't realized just how often the kid was around or just how frequently he was going to bump into him.

It didn't take very long for him to start wondering how it was that it had taken more than a day for him to run into Chuck - because the kid seemed to be everywhere that Raleigh was.

Two or three times a week, Raleigh would go to the mess with Yancy and find Chuck sitting with his father and uncle. Usually the kid was talking loudly, all scowls and violent hand gestures. Scott seemed to enjoy riling the boy up, always grinning a little wickedly, while Herc seemed to be exhausted by them. Raleigh became accustomed to hearing Chuck Hansen's voice in the jaegar garage. He spoke so loudly and passionately, even when he wasn't shouting, that Raleigh could hear him over the hum of machines and chatter of the techs that were hanging around their charges. And Raleigh seemed to bump into Chuck more often than he bumped into any of the people who actually lived in the Shatterdome. On the days when Chuck was in the Shatterdome, which seemed to be every weekend and several evenings per week, Raleigh seemed to run into him every-time he turned a corner.

At first all of their interactions seemed to be filled with that quiet, uncontrolled anger that seemed to radiate from the boy. It was shoulders knocking against each other because Chuck refused to step sideways to avoid running into Raleigh, sharp glares as they passed in a hallway.

Then things seemed to fall into something more neutral. It was Raleigh giving Chuck a small nod of acknowledgment as he passed the table the Hansen's ate at and quiet murmured hellos as they walked by each other.

And then while Raleigh wasn't paying attention, things between them became something warm and friendly. It was Chuck glancing up while walking with his father to find Raleigh standing above him on Gipsy's platforms and raising a hand to wave and Raleigh asking Chuck how he was doing when he saw the boy in the hallway for the first time in a few days.

It was a small thing, but Raleigh liked having this sort of easy camaraderie with Chuck.

* * *

Raleigh stepped up the ladder only to stop as his pulled himself high enough to see onto the platform.

Chuck Hansen was sitting on the platforms surrounding Gipsy Danger, his legs crossed under him and a thick textbook of some kind open on his lap. Raleigh could see just enough of the cover to reach the conclusion that it was likely one of the advanced math's that the academy required it's students to learn. He had the end of a black pen in his mouth, sharp teeth clenched down on the clicker.

"Are you going to come up here?" Chuck said, eyes still focused on the textbook rather than Raleigh. "Or are you going back down?"

"I'm coming up." Raleigh moved up the last few rungs and then pulled himself up onto the platform. Chuck wasn't that much smaller than Raleigh, a little shorter since he probably still had a growth spurt or two coming and thinner in the areas where training had built up Raleigh's muscles, but standing next to him while he was sitting made Raleigh feel strangely tall. "What are you doing up here?"

"Hiding."

It wasn't exactly a secret that Herc and Chuck didn't get along well. Raleigh had always wondered why it was that Chuck kept coming to spend time at the Shatterdome given how strained their relationship was. But it was also fairly obvious that the Hansen's loved each other and Raleigh suspected that was better than being alone at the Academy even if the relationship wasn't at it's best.

"And you decided up here was the best place?"

"No one's going to look for me up here," Chuck said.

"You couldn't just go back to the Academy?"

"Didn't feel like it." He had been focused on the book in front of him, but now Chuck glanced up. There was something vaguely unsure in his expression. "Am I going to be bothering you if I stay?"

"No," Raleigh answered, truthfully. He hadn't been expecting to see the younger man up on Gipsy's platforms, but he wasn't against it either. He didn't spend spending time around Chuck. And while there were certainly people in the Shatterdome who Raleigh didn't like having around his jaeger, Chuck had grown up running around the platforms outside of Striker Eureka. He respected and loved the jaegers in a way that only pilots could. "Am I going to be bothering you? I like sitting up here with her, but I don't want to mess you up if your working."

Chuck snorted, looking away from Raleigh and down at his book again. "You aren't pretty enough to be that big of a distraction."

"I'm not?" Gipsy's platforms were one of Raleigh's favorite places to sit when he needed a moment to himself, whether it was because he'd spent the morning doing the celebrity thing that was expected of jaeger pilots or because he just needed time to himself away from the masses of people that worked within the Shatterdome. He couldn't really remember why it was that he'd felt the need to flew the people down below, though. Not when talking to Chuck had him warm with amusement. He lowered himself down next to the teenager. "I think I'm pretty damn pretty."

"Meh. Yancy's better."

Laughter burst out of Raleigh's throat. "Like older men then, Hansen?"

Chuck hummed. He glanced up at Raleigh, just for a moment, and murmured, "Yeah. I guess so."

* * *

The two of them spent most of the afternoon sitting on Gipsy's platforms together.

Sometimes Chuck would ask Raleigh a question about the work he was doing, hoping that he remembered something from his own time in the academy. Raleigh would lean over, shoulder bumping against Chuck's, to peer at the pages of the book in front of Chuck. He didn't remember most of it, but between the textbook pages, Chuck's memories of his lessons, and the tidbits that Raleigh did still have they always managed to figure out the problems. Sometimes something would slip out of one of their mouths or they would hear something from down below that sparked a conversation. Raleigh found that he and Chuck had similar opinions on most things, or believed different things in a way that made it interesting but now infuriating to argue with each other. They spoke normally as much as they argued, teasing and joking and having a nice time together.

Mostly, they sat in a sort of comfortable silence. Chuck worked on his homework and Raleigh sketched on the pieces of paper that Chuck let him steal.

It was nice, relaxing in a way that most things weren't nowadays.

 

 

In the days that followed their time on Gipsy's platforms, Raleigh and Chuck started spending more and more time with each other. Not just bumping into each other, but actively seeking each other out.

When Chuck was taking Max for a walk, he would seek out Raleigh so the two of them could go together. Raleigh was always happy to go with him, both because he enjoyed spending time with Chuck and because Max was somehow both the cutest and ugliest dog in the world. And there was absolutely nothing cuter than watching Chuck, who tried so hard to seem tough and hardcore, turn into a pile of goo while interacting with his dog.

When Raleigh heard that Chuck was around the Shatterdome at meal time, Raleigh would drag him into eating his meal with him. Sometimes Chuck would shake him off to spend some time with his father, a sure sign that it had been a good day for them, while other times he looked all too happy to have Raleigh dragging him off. Yancy almost always ate with them, sometimes eating with a girl he was flirting with or some of his friends from the research and tech departments, but Raleigh rarely noticed his brother when Chuck was eating with them. It was easy to get caught up in a conversation with Chuck.

Sometimes the two of them would end up on Gipsy's platforms again, quietly enjoying each other's company. Raleigh never knew when those days would happen, but he got into the habit of buying treats when he was in the city to share with Chuck when they were up there together. Chuck, he learned, liked the kinds of weird flavors that no one else in the world wanted to eat. Raleigh thought grilled cheese and ketchup potato chips were absolutely disgusting, but he bought them anyway.

The disgusting smell was worth the way Chuck smiled when Raleigh gave him the bag.

* * *

"Oi! Ray!"

Raleigh was standing near Gipsy Danger's cockpit. He and Yancy had been in their jaeger for a test the techs had wanted to run, but Yancy had been on a date the night before and Raleigh wanted to ask his brother about it before they split to do their own things around the Shatterdome.

At the sound of his name, Raleigh looked away from Yancy to peer over the edge of the railing next to them.

Chuck was standing below them, one hand shielding his eyes so he could see better while the other held Max's leash. Noticing that he had Raleigh's attention, he shouted, "We're going for a walk! You coming?"

Yancy had mentioned wanting to take a nap since he'd been out late the night before and the test drift had only made his exhaustion worse, so Raleigh figured his brother wouldn't mind if he took off with Chuck.

"Yeah!" Raleigh shouted down. "I'll be there in a minute!"

"I'm not waiting for-fucking-ever!" Chuck responded. "You've got five tops! Then I'm leaving with or without you."

Raleigh rolled his eyes, even though he knew Chuck wouldn't be able to see the gesture with the distance between them.

"Sorry about that," Raleigh said as he turned towards his brother. There was a strange look settled on Yancy's face, one that Raleigh recognized as his concerned big brother expression. He couldn't quite figure out what he had done to earn that expression, though, so he guessed and added, "You were talking about being tired, right? I figured you wouldn't mind if I went for a walk with Chuck."

"I don't," Yancy said. He seemed to debate something for a moment before sighing. "Just...It really would kill you to make things easy for me, wouldn't it?"

"I didn't do anything!"

Yancy fixed him with a look, disbelieving and a little irritated. "You think it's easy for me that you're in love with Herc Hansen's underage son? I've spent he last few months trying to figure out if I'm strong enough to stop him when he inevitably tries to kill you."

Raleigh opened his mouth to protest, only to stop before the words came out.

Because well...

Yancy wasn't wrong.

His love for Chuck was this quiet thing nestled under his ribcage. It burned fiercely and passionately, but it was unobtrusive. It didn't need to demand Raleigh's attention because he was close enough to Chuck to feed it constantly. It had just settled within like a fact of life.

In the same way that Raleigh knew that the correct answer to _'what color is the sky?'_ was _'blue,'_ he knew that the correct answer to ' _are you in love with Chuck Hansen_ ' was _'absolutely.'_

"Is it that obvious?" Raleigh asked. Maybe he should have denied it regardless of the truth of the statement, but the idea of denying how he felt for Chuck didn't sit right. Not when he knew with absolutely certainty that Chuck felt the same way about him. It felt wrong to dismiss the way they felt by lying about it.

"Well, I know because of the drift," Yancy told him. "The rest of the base, though? They know because the kid looks at you like your hung the damn moon and you act like you'd fight a kaiju with your bare hands if he asked."

"Ah... You think Herc knows?"

"I have absolutely no idea, Rals. But if he does? You better hope he's okay with it because you don't stand a chance if he tries to kill you."

* * *

Raleigh tried to keep his distance from Chuck in the aftermath of his conversation with Yancy, because his brother was right to point out the feelings stirring under Raleigh's skin and the fact that Chuck was only sixteen. Five years didn't seem like a huge age gap, but it was pretty significant when Raleigh considered just how young Chuck was.

It was more difficult than Raleigh imagined, though.

He would tell himself to have a meal with Yancy instead of Chuck, but then he would spot Chuck trudging into the mess behind his father with a scowl on his face and his shoulders tense with anger. Before he could really process the decision, Raleigh would be pushing himself to his feet and calling Chuck's name to wave him over. He couldn't let Chuck sit with his father and uncle when he was so obviously angry and upset, not when he had the opportunity to have Chuck somewhere that would let Raleigh make him laugh and smile.

He would tell himself to focus on his training regiment, but then he would bump into Chuck on the way to the dojo and he would end up tagging along. Raleigh rarely minded sparring with Chuck. There were plenty of people in the Academy who were older than Chuck, but few of them were any match for him when it came to fighting. Raleigh would rather fight Chuck himself so that he got better than let Chuck grow so comfortable in his skill that he ended up hurt once he graduated and found himself actually in the field.

He would tell himself not to let Chuck drag him away from work for walks with Max, but then Max would be nipping at his heels and Chuck would be standing in the doorway with his hands in his pocket sand Raleigh would find himself thinking that taking a break wouldn't be that bad. He would end up scratching at Max's ears, cooing at the dog for a while before taking the loose leash into his hand and pushing himself to his feet. He would fall into step with Chuck, conversation flowing easily between them as they Max led them outside, always well aware of what it meant when Raleigh was with them.

The thing was that under all of the anger he carried, Chuck was passionate, devoted, and loyal. He was intelligent and witty. He worked for what he wanted, expected nothing but the best for himself and struggled to understand why others wouldn't do the same. He would grump all day long about anything and everything in front of him, but he never hesitated to drop to his knees and coo at his dog when he saw him.

And Raleigh found himself drawn to Chuck much like a moth was drawn to ceiling light, finding that all the dirt on the fixture was worth it for the light that was hidden under it.

* * *

Raleigh slammed Chuck against the floor of the arena in the kwoon room.

He hadn't been surprised when Chuck had asked him to get him into the room, and then to spar with him once Raleigh did. Chuck was the youngest person to enroll in the Academy and he was dedicated to becoming a Ranger. He took every bit of extra training he could get from anyone willing to give it to him because he wouldn't settle for being anything other than the best.

Raleigh felt better being the one training with Chuck than he did leaving him to find someone else. Scott Hansen was always just a bit too brutal with Chuck for his taste, leaving his nephew mottled and bruised. Herc Hansen was just a little too soft. Raleigh respected that, but Herc going easy on him didn't challenge Chuck or push him to get better. Chuck might have asked Yancy if he couldn't find anyone else, but Yancy and Chuck weren't particularly close. They'd interacted plenty and were friendly on account of their connections with Raleigh, but they weren't friends and Raleigh didn't think training with his brother would have been that beneficial either.

Raleigh grinned down at Chuck, his chest heaving because Chuck wasn't quite good enough to beat Raleigh but he made him work for it every time. "Good job."

Chuck clucked his tongue, unhappy and dissatisfied. "I lost."

"Yeah, but you held your own against one of the best Rangers in the program. None of your classmates are going to beat you." He hummed, turning his head so his cheek was pressed against the floor instead of looking up at him. The look on his face grew more severe, as if Raleigh had only made things worst. Raleigh sighed. He'd been sitting in a way that immobilized Chuck, but now he shuffled so that he could settle over him more carefully, getting on his knees with Chuck bracketed between his legs. He kept one of his palms on the floor to the left of Chuck's head, using it to keep his body up, while reaching the other to push against Chuck's cheek. When Chuck had given in, scowling up at Raleigh, he said, "You're good, Chuck. You'll get better once you've got a bit more muscle. I'm sure you'll be kicking my ass in no time."

Chuck let out a puff of air, deflating a bit under Raleigh's compliment. "That's because you're old."

"Fuck off," Raleigh said, laughter in his voice.

It would have been a good time to move, but Raleigh found that he was comfortable were he was.

Silence lapsed between them.

Without all of the talking, Raleigh found that the distance between their faces felt a lot smaller than it had before.

"Ray," Chuck said, voice quiet and soft as it broke through the silence. There was something in his tone that had Raleigh swallowing thickly as he focused on the boy below him. Chuck was looking up at him from underneath his eyelashes, looking strangely open and almost shy. "Are you going to kiss me?"

A sharp hiss of air slipped through Raleigh's lips. He moved to pull away, but found himself stopped by Chuck reaching up to link his hands behind Raleigh's neck. "You are killing me, kid."

"I'm not a kid."

"You are," Raleigh said. He looked back at Chuck. There were only five years between them, but Chuck looked so much younger than Raleigh. His features were harder than Raleigh's, but they were still round in places were puberty and training hadn't quite rid him of baby fat. He looked up at Raleigh with big eyes, full lips turned in an unhappy pout. "You really are, Chuck."

He had reached down to place his hand on Chuck's cheek again, spreading his fingers out so that his thumb was resting against Chuck's lips.

Raleigh knew he wasn't the most mature member of the Rangers, but he looked at this beautiful boy and wanted nothing more than to make sure that this war didn't tear this boy up anymore than it already had.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Raleigh told him.

He opened his mouth, lips and breath ghosting against the pad of Raleigh's thumb. "You won't kiss me because of it."

"No, I won't," Raleigh agreed. He pressed his thumb down a bit before murmuring, "But you don't need to rush to grow up because of me. I'm not going anywhere, kangaroo."

"You can't promise that."

"I can." Raleigh hesitated for a moment, not wanting to give Chuck something that he couldn't give him all. But in the end, he decided that this was better than nothing. He moved his hand away from Chuck's mouth, leaning down to press his lips against his forehead. He murmured against Chuck's skin, "It's gonna be me and you one day, Chuck. Maybe in two years, maybe in five, maybe in ten. We're gonna be together one day, just not right now."

* * *

Their relationship changed in the aftermath of their conversation about Chuck's age.

Raleigh didn't change his mind about waiting, but Chuck appeared to grow more confident in their relationship. Raleigh didn't realize that Chuck was holding himself back until he found Chuck seeking him out more often.

Now instead of Raleigh having to reach out when he wanted Chuck to eat with him, Chuck would just flop himself down next to Raleigh at dinner. He'd sit so close that their knees and shoulders bumped together, practically tucking himself into Raleigh's side. He'd been thrown by it the first few times it had happened, but slowly Raleigh came to expect the warmth of Chuck at his side and the sound of his voice as he spoke to Yancy. It was nice.

Now instead of knocking when he came to Raleigh's bedroom before walking Max, Chuck would just slam into the room already mid-sentence. Once Raleigh had been napping after a simulation with Yancy. Chuck had hesitated for only a moment before flopping down onto the bed with him, kicking off his boots and helping Max up into the bed with them. He had curled up around his dog, spooning Max and shoving his face into the fur at the back of his neck, and Raleigh had found the entire thing so adorable that he hadn't been able to fall back asleep because he was focused so much on trying to memorize the sight in front of him.

Now instead of being absent when Raleigh was working, Chuck took to sitting in the gym with him. Sometimes he would work out with Raleigh, sometimes he would sit quietly and work on his homework, and sometimes he would spend Raleigh's entire workout goading him into doing more than he'd been planning. Raleigh packed on a few extra pounds of muscle out of sheer spite, determined to prove to Chuck that he could shove his old man jokes up his ass.

Raleigh hadn't realized that Chuck wasn't as certain about things as he was until then. He supposed he should have figured that out though. Chuck was a sixteen year old boy that was being raised by in a Shatterdome by a man who expressed his emotions about as well as a rock. He felt terrible about it, wished that he had something sooner so that Chuck wasn't so unsure of his place in Raleigh's life.

Regardless of how Chuck used to feel, Raleigh was happy to know that Chuck was feeling more certain of things now.

He was happy to know that Chuck knew that Raleigh loved him and that he didn't have to tiptoe around, afraid of being told off.

He was happy to know that Chuck knew that Raleigh wasn't going to leave him behind.

 

 

Knifehead happened.

It changed everything.

Because Yancy was the most important person in Raleigh's life and Raleigh had _felt_  it as Yancy was killed. He couldn't stay in the Shatterdome where he turned corners and could practically see his brother's ghost in the middle of the hallway. He couldn't stand the idea of staying in the program and being forced to drift with someone other than Yancy, hated the idea of someone filling the empty space in his head even more than he hated having it there in the first place.

Raleigh loved Chuck, but his brother was dead.

Raleigh had promised that he wasn't leaving Chuck. Instead, he ran from his own pain and the memory of his brother's death.

 

 

 

**1.5 the burdens the father bares**

Hercules Hansen wasn't a stupid man.

He knew exactly what had been going on between his son and Gipsy Danger's youngest pilot. He had seen the way Raleigh Becket looked at his son, affectionate and soft and like Chuck was the best thing he had seen in ages. It had Herc's hackles rising every-time he saw it, thinking about how this man was twenty-one to his son's sixteen.

But Herc Hansen also knew that he had already dropped the ball when it came to parenting. And when he saw the way that Chuck looked at Raleigh Becket, saw the warm love in his son's eyes and the way that Raleigh's presence made Chuck's shoulders relax, he made a conscious choice not to interfere.

The idea of a man Raleigh Becket's age touching his son made Herc grind his teeth, but at the same time the idea of ripping this away from Chuck made his stomach churn. Raleigh Becket wasn't a bad man and he seemed to genuinely love Herc's son. If Herc threw a fit about the relationship, his son would never forgive him. Herc lose the affection and love that his son still had from him.

In the aftermath of Knifehead and Raleigh Becket leaving the jaeger program, Herc regretted every time that he had seen Raleigh smiling at Chuck and hadn't interrupted to punch the blonde asshole in the face. Because in the aftermath of everything, Chuck was sixteen and broken, filled with anger and grief for something that never happened.

The worst day of Herc's life was the day he had to chose his son over his wife.

The second worst was the day when Chuck stumbled into Herc's room half a year after Raleigh Becket left, drunk off his ass on alcohol he'd convinced the mechanics and cooks to give him. It was when Chuck, who Herc hadn't seen cry since they'd buried Angela a decade ago, burst into tears and begged him to explain to him why Raleigh had lied to him, begged him to explain why he wasn't good enough, begged him to tell him why it was that Raleigh hadn't wanted him. And Herc hadn't been able to do anything except wrap his son in his arms, push his face into his son's hair as his shoulders hook, and tell him that _he didn't know._

 

(That's a lie.

The second worst day of his life was the day when he first drifted with his son. It was the day when he felt all of the pain and anger his son carried in him. It was the day when he saw the memory Chuck had of being caged under Raleigh Becket as the man gave him a sweet smile and promised to wait for him, promised that he would be part of Chuck's future. It was the day when he saw the memory of Chuck destroying his bedroom after finding out that Raleigh had left the program as soon as medical cleared him, that Raleigh had run away instead of letting Chuck help him through his grief over his brother.

It's the day that Herc realized that the worst thing he had ever done, because he misses Angela so much it hurts but there's not a single day when he regrets saving their son, was not keeping Raleigh Becket away from his son.)

 

 

 

**2\. the end of love looks like the beginning of a war**

Raleigh followed Stacker and Mako past the Russians.

He was still glancing around the massive jaegar garage, trying to get used to the size of the Hong Kong Shatterdome compared to the American ones he was used to and readjust to the chaos of a Shatterdome after so long away from one, when he heard the barking of a familiar dog.

It took all of the courage in him not to run in the opposite direction at the sound.

He had known who was here when he agreed to come back with Stacker.

That didn't make it any easier to deal with.

"Herc! Chuck!" Stacker shouted. "Welcome to Hong Kong gentlemen!"

"Max, come here," Mako called.

A moment later, Raleigh heard a leash hit the floor before he heard Herc say, " _Don't_  drool on Miss Mori."

Raleigh heard Mako saying something to Max as she crouched down to pet him, but he busy focusing on Herc Hansen as he walked towards him. He kept his eyes focused on the man in front of him, resisting the urge to glance behind Herc's shoulder and search out the figure he knew had to be there.

"Raleigh," Stacker said, "this is Hercules Hansen. I believe the two of you know each other?"

"We do," Herc said. The smile on his face was sharp at the edges as he leaned in with a hand stretched out. "Five years ago, right, Becket? Back when my son was in the academy."

"Yessir," Raleigh said. The memory of the time he had spent in the Shatterdome with Chuck had Raleigh's chest tightening, but he was careful not to let the pain change his expression. He knew what he had left when he ran from Yancy's memory. He knew he couldn't makeup for that. He knew there was no way to makeup for that. "It's a pleasure to serve with you again."

"Likewise," Herc said, though his voice portrayed just how untrue that was.

Stacker glanced between them, obviously picking up on the fact that there was something about their past that he was missing but not quite sure what it was. After a moment, he said, "Herc and his son Chuck'll be running point with on Striker Eureka."

"Faster jaeger in the world," Raleigh said. He remembered sitting in Gipsy's platforms with Chuck and listening to him talk about Striker Eureka, remembered the afternoons when they would fight over whether Gipsy or Striker was better, remembered the fondness and pride in Chuck's voice as he talked about her. He remembered the warmth of Chuck's palm against his bicep when a comment of Raleigh's had Chuck threatening to push him off their perch.

Stacker nodded, his eyes sparking with something that made it seem as though he was impressed by Raleigh's knowledge, "Australia decommissioned it a day before the Sydney attack."

"Yeah," Hercules said. "It was lucky we were still around."

"Yup," Stacker agreed. "Now it's running point for us."

"Wait running point on what? You haven't told me what I'm doing here yet," Raleigh said. He turned away from Herc, focusing on Stacker.

"We're going for the breach, Mr. Becket." Raleigh had a second to be shocked by that before he continued, "We're gonna strap a 2400 pound nuclear warhead to Striker's back. Detonate an equivalent of 1.2 million tons of TNT. And you and two other jaegers'll be runnin' defense for them." Fear shot down Raleigh's spine. He knew he didn't have any right to be worried about Chuck anymore, but he couldn't help thinking about the danger they would be putting him in when they did that and how it would all be for nothing because nothing ever went through the breach.

"Thought we were the resistance? Where'd you get something that big?"

Stacker looked at him for a moment before saying, "See the Russians back there? They can get us anything." He let that sit for a moment before turning, "Herc, shall we?"

Herc nodded at Raleigh briefly before turning, falling into step with Stacker.

"I'll show you to your jaeger now," Mako said.

Raleigh reached a hand out, stopping her. "Miss Mori, will you give me a minute?" He didn't wait for her to respond before taking off after the two older men. "Marshal!" When he had Stacker's attention, he said, "Sir, we've hit the breach before. It doesn't work. Nothing does through. "What's changed?"

"I've got a plan. I need you ready. That's all." Stacker turned away from him again, gesturing to the man at his side. "Let's go Herc."

Raleigh watched their backs for a moment before a familiar voice, deeper and rougher than it had been the last time he'd heard it in person but still so familiar, shouted, "Max! Come here!"

He turned on instinct, so used to reacting to that voice when he heard it.

He'd seen Chuck in pictures and videos, kept track of Striker Eureka's crew even when he ran from everything else that reminded him of Yancy, but this was the first time in five years that Raleigh had seen Chuck in person and it hit him like a punch in the gut. He was crouched down as he reached a hand out for Max but Raleigh could tell that Chuck was taller than he'd been before, not much shorter than Raleigh was now, and he'd grown broader in the shoulders. His arms and biceps were bigger, packed with more muscle than his sixteen year old body had been capable of holding.

His hair was still that russet ginger-brown.

And when their eyes met, they were still that same sharp blue as they had always been. They were sparked with the sort of fierce anger that Raleigh had always known Chuck held, but had never had directed at him.

Every part of Raleigh was begging him to open his mouth and say something, begging him to cross the space between them.

Raleigh choked on the urge, forcing himself to tear his gaze away and head towards Mako.

When Raleigh had run from Yancy's memory, he had ran from the promise he'd made to Chuck. He had no right to come in here and demand anything of him, not anymore. Raleigh had made his choice and, no matter how much it hurt, he had to live with that.

* * *

Raleigh was glancing around the mess hall, trying to figure out how things worked here in Hong Kong, when he heard someone say, "Mr. Becket!" He looked up to find Mako standing next to the table where the Hansen's were eating. She gestured with one arm, beckoning him. "Please come eat with us."

He knew it was a terrible idea, could tell from the way Chuck stiffened and the look that flashed across Herc's face, but knowing that he couldn't make up for his actions didn't make it any easier to walk away from an opportunity to spend time with Chuck.

"Alright," he said, moving towards her.

"You can have that tray," she said, gesturing towards a nearly full one sitting next to Chuck's. "Herc was nice enough to get it for me, but it's far more than I would ever eat. I believe he filled it for his son's appetite rather than my own."

"Hey, now," Chuck argued. Raleigh was behind him so he couldn't see Chuck's face, but he could practically imagine the look that he would be giving her. It would be affectionate and annoyed all at once, the type of look which Chuck used to send Raleigh all the time. It was such a familiar that expression that it featured prominently in most of the dreams Raleigh had had of Chuck over the past five years. "I'm a growing man."

"Not a pig, yes?"

Raleigh wanted to sit down next to Chuck, wanted to feel the warmth of Chuck's thigh pressed against his and the sharp pain of Chuck's knee bumping hard into his, but he knew how bad of an idea that was going to be. He wasn't sure whether Chuck or Herc would have stabbed him with their fork first.

Instead he reached his hand out for the tray, swinging it around so he could sit next to Herc instead.

"Fuck off," Chuck told Mako.

There was an affectionate undertone to their teasing which had Raleigh glancing between them, wondering if there was something between them. Mako was cute and she seemed to be a sweet girl. She was closer to Chuck's age than Raleigh was. They would be cute together.

It made Raleigh's chest ache to think about. But he wanted Chuck to be happy, even if Raleigh had ruined his chance to be the one making him feel that way. If Mako made Chuck happy, then Raleigh could deal with that.

Raleigh had just ducked his head, digging into the food in front of him since it was the first time he'd seen real food in months, when he heard Chuck say, voice teasing and wicked and mean, "You're gonna run defense for me in that old rust bucket of yours?"

"That's the plan," Raleigh said, glancing up at him. Getting into Gipsy Danger was the least of what Raleigh would do when Chuck's life was on the line.

He could see Herc tensing beside him, as if the very idea of Chuck and Raleigh speaking was unpalatable for him.

"What've you been doing for five years?" Chuck said. He was picking at his food without really eating it. Raleigh remembered the habit from when he was a kid. Chuck had always eaten little when he was angry. It had infuriated Raleigh back then and he'd made it his personal mission to seep some of the anger out of Chuck so that he'd eat properly, or to force him to eat when he couldn't be calmed down. Raleigh hoped that someone was making sure he ate properly now. "You left quickly so it must have been something important, yeah?"

Raleigh and Chuck stared at each other.

He could see Mako shifting nervously out of the corner of his eye, picking up on the building tension and the idea that she was missing something.

"I was in construction," Raleigh told him.

Chuck laughed, the sound bitter like poison. It made Raleigh _ache_  to hear Chuck laugh like that, to hear him wielding laughter like it was a weapon against Raleigh. Chuck's real laugh - loud guffaws that spread his mouth wide in a smile and shook his shoulders - was one of Raleigh's favorite sounds in the world. "That's great! That's really useful! If we get into a fight you can build our way out of it, eh Ray?"

"Sure," Raleigh said, keeping his voice steady and refusing to look away from Chuck's gaze. The way Chuck spat out his name hurt, felt like a knife in his gut. It had been a thing of affection before, something Chuck said with a teasing light in his eyes. Now it was so angry and hurt, like Chuck couldn't think of a single person who he wouldn't rather be talking to than Raleigh. "If that's what you need."

Chuck laughed again, that same mean sound as before. "You don't know jackshit about what I want."

"Chuck," Herc said, cutting sharply into the conversation before Raleigh could say anything else. "This isn't the place for this. Take Max and go for a walk."

There was a moment where Chuck looked as though he was going to argue, but then he clicked his tongue and looked away from Raleigh.

"Fine," Chuck said, pushing himself to his feet. He reached out for Max's leash, wrapping it around his fingers and giving a light tug so Max knew they were moving. "Come on, Max. We're going for a walk."

* * *

"You two are a god damn disgrace!" Chuck yelled, his face flushed red with anger as he stared down Raleigh and Mako. Raleigh felt torn between trying to protect Mako, he'd been right in his assumption that she was a sweet girl but she was also a firecracker and Raleigh liked her more and more the longer he knew her, and the knowledge that he deserved everything Chuck was giving him. "You're gonna get us all killed and here's the thing, Raleigh, I want to come back from this mission because I quite like my life." Raleigh found it difficult not to flinch under Chuck's words. The idea that he would ever do anything to put Chuck in the kind of danger that would get him killed made Raleigh's gut churned. He wanted Mako as a partner, found that the idea of her filling the empty space in his head was tolerable in a way that nothing else was, but he would never risk Chuck's life to do that.

Chuck reached out, tapping one of his fingers against Raleigh's chest. It was the first contact they had had in five years and it made Raleigh _burn_. "So why don't you just do us all a favor and disappear? It's the only thing your good at."

"Stop, now," Mako hissed, stepping towards Chuck.

Raleigh reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder and pushing her back a bit.

He was searching for the words to tell her not to argue, to tell her that Chuck deserved to throw these words at him. Raleigh had promised a sixteen year old boy that he wouldn't leave him, that he would be there for him whenever he was ready, and Raleigh had chosen to break that promise as well as the connection between them.

Before he could get the words out, though, Chuck's eyes sparked.

"Yeah," he murmured, voice low as gravel. "That's right. You just hold back your little girlfriend. One of you bitches needs a leash."

Raleigh deserved everything that Chuck threw at him, but Mako didn't.

Before he could really think about it, Raleigh was reacting exactly the way he would have if he heard anyone talking to Jazmine that way - by punching them in the face.

He regretted it to seconds later, but just the one punch seemed to be enough for Chuck because he didn't hesitate to retaliate.

The fight went on for a few seconds, but the fact of the matter was that Raleigh had been there as Chuck was learning how to fight, had been one of the people who _taught_  Chuck how to fight, and while Chuck had picked up some new moves it wasn't enough to keep Raleigh from being able to pin him down.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Raleigh hissed, "Mako didn't do shit to you. Apologize."

"She's wasting her fucking time on you," Chuck said, struggling against Raleigh's hold on him. "That's enough for me. I have no respect for anyone who would hang out with a coward and a dirty fucking liar like you."

"She's not apart of the stuff between us."

"You left me, you fucking asshole! And you didn't even have the decencytto fucking tell me! Excuse me if I'm not inclined to trust people who trust you!"

"It wasn't about you," Raleigh responded. With blood and adrenaline and anger pumping through his veins, Raleigh was finding it hard to control the words falling out of his mouth. "My brother was dead! He was ripped from my head while we were connected! It wasn't fucking about you!"

"I would have been there for you! I would have helped you! We were-"

"You weren't my boyfriend Chuck! You were a child! We weren't anything!"

Chuck went abruptly still in Raleigh's hold.

It was enough for some of Raleigh's anger to recede, for the guilty to start rising up. It was true that Chuck hadn't been his boyfriend at the time, but that didn't mean that they weren't anything. They hadn't been dating because Chuck was a child, but if Raleigh believed in things like true love or soulmates than Chuck would have been his and that was so much more important.

Raleigh opened his mouth to say something, to apologize and try to take all of the words that had spilled from his mouth back, but before he could get them out, Herc spoke, voice low and dangerous, "Get the fuck off of my kid, Becket. Or I'll knock your teeth out the way I should have five years ago, regardless of the mission we're supposed to be doing."

He scrambled to comply, not just because of Herc's threat but because Chuck didn't deserve to be locked up by Raleigh after what he'd said.

Chuck scrambled to his feet as soon as he was able.

Without so much as a glance at Raleigh, he turned away and left the hallway.

Herc sent Raleigh a harsh look before following after his son.

* * *

"I felt it during the drift, you know," Mako said, voice quiet. The two of them were sitting together, taking a moment to themselves amongst the chaos that was ensuing. They had only just finished one battle, had only drifted successfully for the first time, and now they were being thrown into the next. They understood that was what it was like sometimes, but they had both decided that they needed a moment to themselves before they headed out. "I could feel how you felt about Chuck, how you still do."

Raleigh remembered Yancy warning him to be careful with Chuck, telling him that he knew how Raleigh felt about him because of the drift.

"You should speak to him," Mako told him. "He was almost..." She cut herself off, shaking her head before saying, "The thing you feared with Leatherback and Otachi could still happen. You should talk to him."

"I don't think talking is what Chuck wants to do with me anymore," Raleigh told her. He sighed. "And he's right to feel that way, you know? What he said to me when we were fighting, it wasn't wrong. I should've...I should've stayed even if it hurt. I should've let him help me instead of running away because it hurt too much."

"Maybe you should've," Mako agreed. "But I have known Chuck for a very long time. We have been friends longer than you have known him, even if we aren't close ones. And I do not believe that he would be acting the way he is if he did not want to talk to you. I do not believe that he would still be so upset and hurt by your actions if he was not still in love with you."

She reached out, setting one of her hands on his bicep. "You should talk to him, Raleigh. Let him be angry and spit poison at you so that he can get it out. But afterwards, you have to really talk to him. You have to apologize and you have to explain yourself, you have to tell him that you did not mean to break your promise, you have to tell him how you feel. I do not want something to happen to either of you while all of these things still sit between you."

Raleigh found himself smiling at her. She really was a sweet girl, really was one of his favorite people in the entire world.

"Something tells me that that conversation will be longer than we have time for right now," Raleigh told her. He reached up, taking the hand she had on his bicep in his. It was a warm touch, soft and friendly. He couldn't remember the last time he had held hands with someone. It wasn't the sort of thing that he and Chuck had ever done, so it must have been back before he'd met Chuck. "But I'll talk to him when we come back, okay? Once all of us are safe in the base again."

He wouldn't promise her that they would all be back, not given the danger of the mission they were undertaking, but he could wish for this.

* * *

"You can always find me in the drift," Stacker told Mako. Raleigh could feel Mako's pain through the drift along with the heartbroken understanding. She was losing her father and she knew it. He wished he had something to tell her that could help her with that.

The comm unit crackled to life again.

Raleigh wasn't prepared to hear Chuck's voice. "Ray?" His voice was softer than Raleigh had heard it in the entire time that he'd been in the Shatterdome. Quiet with exhaustion and determination laced underneath.

"Yeah, kangaroo?" Raleigh said, unable to keep the nickname from slipping out. All he could think about was Chuck sitting on the top of Gipsy's platforms, voice quiet and focused as read aloud from the book he was studying. All he could think about Chuck on that day that he'd napped in Raleigh's bed and the way that he'd sounded when they'd talked after he woke up, voice rough with sleep but quiet and warm. All he could think about was Chuck after a long spar, panting out soft words inbetween drinks from his waterbottle. All Raleigh could think about was how he would never get to get Chuck's voice again after this.

Gipsy was filling with negative emotions, pain and heartbreak and hurt rebounding throughout the drift.

When Striker Eureka went down, Mako was going to lose her father.

When Striker Eureka went down, Raleigh was going to lose the love of his life.

They both knew what had to be done to save the world from the Kaiju and they would do it, but stopping the Kaiju would come with a price that made their souls ache.

"You know, we were something right? You know that it's wasn't all just...nothing."

"I do. Of course I do," Raleigh said. "I was angry about the way you were dragging Mako into things, so I lashed out. But I know that what I said wasn't true. I'm sorry I said it."

"'t's okay," Chuck said. He was quiet for a moment before he said, "I was so angry about you leaving me the way you did, but it was only because I wanted to be there for you. I was only angry because I love you so much and you ran away from me. You know that, right? You know that I loved you then and that I love you now?"

"I do," Raleigh said. "I loved you then too. And I still do now."

"Good. Good." There was another beat before Chuck said, voice growing even quieter, "Be happy okay, Raleigh? That's what Yancy would want. That's what I want."

"I'll try." Raleigh didn't know if he would ever be happy again after this, didn't know if he could enjoy life after the Kaiju when fighting them had taken both Yancy and Chuck away from him, but... "I'll try."

 

 

 

**2.5: father's aren't meant to outlive their sons**

"Herc." He looked behind him to find Raleigh Becket approaching, still in his divesuit. "Do you mind if I come with you?"

"Isn't there a party happening inside?" Herc said. He wouldn't take the celebration away from his men, they deserved it after stopping the apocalypse, but he couldn't join in. Not when he had just lost his son, not when his chest felt like it had been torn in two.

"Yes. But I don't think I can be there right now."

Herc wanted to tell Raleigh to go inside, wanted to tell this man who had broken his son's heart to get away from him. He wanted to tell him that he had no right to grieve for Chuck after all he had done to him, wanted to punch him in the face and tell him to get far away from him.

But everyone had heard Chuck's final words, communications ringing between the jaegers and their communications department, and Herc couldn't bring himself to spit on them like that.

"Fine," Herc said. He didn't say anything else to the man, just pushed the door open to let Max out into the air and followed after him. If Raleigh wanted to come with them he could, but Herc wasn't going to wait for him.

Max had Hercules feeling a strange mix of emotions.

Max had always been Chuck's dog more than Herc's. When they had first gotten him, Chuck had rarely let Max's feet touch the ground, always carrying him around. It was probably why Max never minded being picked up now, hadn't cared when Chuck lifted him into his lap to feed him scraps while at the table or pull him up onto something with him.

He had always slept with Chuck. His son hadn't had stuffed animals since he was seven, when Sydney had been evacuated and their home destroyed, but he curled around Max and held him as if he was a replacement for what he had lost. It wasn't just when they were in bed either. If Chuck fell asleep in a chair or on a couch, then Max was certain to be curled within the crook of his knees or squeezed against his chest.

And when everything else in Chuck's life had made him angry, when Herc was too busy with his grief over his wife to pay attention to his son or when Raleigh had broken his heart, it had been Max that made Chuck smile. His dog rubbing against his leg or barking for his attention never failed to bring a grin to Chuck's face, even if it was sometimes a little tense and watery.

Max was a painful reminder of the son he had lost, but he was also a piece of Chuck that Herc still had.

They had been walking in silence for several minutes, the night air biting at Herc's cheeks as Max searched for the best place to do his business, when Raleigh spoke, voice quiet, "I used to walk Max with Chuck a lot."

"I remember," Herc said. He remembered how Chuck had never tried to get out of walking duty in his Academy days, how he used to take Max for walks four or five times a day. He remembered walking to Striker Eureka with Scott and hearing Chuck's laughter near Gipsy Danger, remember seeing Chuck shouting up at Raleigh to get his feet on the damn ground again so they could go. He remembered passing Chuck in a hallway as he and Raleigh made their way outside, an affectionate and teasing look on his face as he spoke to Raleigh about something. "I took Max for all his walks for half a year after you left. Chuck refused to do it."

He heard Raleigh take a sharp breath.

There was a small pause before Raleigh said, "I know I hurt him. I wasn't trying to, but I did. When I came here, I came knowing he was here and knowing that I couldn't make up for what I did." There was a moment before he murmured, "But I didn't stop caring for him, Herc. I didn't stop loving him."

He wanted to be angry about that, wanted to be pissed that Raleigh had put his son through all he had while being in love with him. But all Herc could think about was the fact that despite how young his son had died - he had died knowing what it was like to be in love and to be love in return. There were a hundred things that Chuck had never done that Herc wished he could have the opportunity to do, but at least he had gotten to have this.

He couldn't help being relieved about that.

 

 

 

**3\. some things never come back (oh, but baby, i'm so glad you did)**

"Vultures," Raleigh hissed as he tugged on the tie around his neck. Beside him, Mako let out a quiet laugh. The two of them were walking into the Shatterdome, having just gotten back after a day filled with interviews. As the heroes of the night, the two of them had been assigned the bulk of the media duties since defeating the Kaiju four days ago. "The lot of them."

"If you weren't so pretty they wouldn't bother you," Mako told him, a teasing lithe in her voice.

Raleigh stuck his tongue out at her before a heavy sigh slipped from his lips. Interviews took a lot more out of him now than they had back when it was Yancy at his side. It wasn't really Mako's fault, some interviewers asked her some incredibly sexist questions but she always shut them down before Raleigh could even get an objection out, but the weight of everything that came with them. It was the reminders of Yancy each time someone gave him their condolences, the questions about how he felt piloting with someone other than Yancy. It was the constant mentions of Striker Eureka, of Chuck and what they had thought of him.

He knew that it wasn't easy for Mako either, but her connection to Stacker wasn't as public as Yancy and Raleigh's and he wasn't as big of a name as Chuck was so it wasn't mentioned often.

Mako seemed to understand that he needed a moment because she didn't retaliate, just bumped their shoulders together in a way that was soft and companionable.

Raleigh gave her a small smile. He was finding it difficult to live up to his promise to Chuck when everything seemed so heavy, but Mako made happiness seem a little easier to achieve.

"Open the doors," he told her, gesturing to the locked pad that would lead into the Shatterdome's main area. "I want to go take a nap."

"A nap sounds good," she agreed. Leaning forward to type her code in, she murmured, "Maybe I will shower first, though. I can still feel all the make-up they put me in." There was a loud beeping as the code was accepted before the growl of the doors beginning to grind open.

Raleigh opened his mouth to reply, but stopped when the doors slid open.

The scene in front of them was chaotic, people running around and shouting. It was wild in a way that things hadn't been since the last Kaiju attack.

Raleigh and Mako exchanged a look, quiet concern passing between them.

"Hey!" Raleigh said, reaching out to grab the arm of a woman he recognized as one of the medical staff. Now that he was paying more attention, he realized that there were quite a lot of medical staff running around. Not very many jaeger techs or rangers, but a fair amount of doctors and nurses as well as the communications specializes that worked with command. "What's going on?"

The woman was holding what looked like bags of blood in her hands. It seemed as though she was going to tell him to fuck off for a moment, but than she focused on his face and seemed to change his mind.

"They found one of Striker Eureka's escape pods," the woman told him. Raleigh felt his grip loosen as shock pounded through him. He heard the sharp breath Mako took beside him. "Apparently the pilot in it is alive."

* * *

Raleigh and Mako ran for command, their feet pounding against the floor and both of them panting from the exertion.

It was a strange thing to be running with Mako in this moment, because Raleigh knew that they were both hoping for different things. Chuck was a friend of Mako's, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was hoping to find out the pilot they had found was her father.

Raleigh thought about this as they ran: the way that sixteen year old Chuck looked while sitting against the railings of Gipsy's platforms with his legs folded under him and his head bent as he peered at his textbook and the tip of his pen in his mouth, the way that sixteen year old Chuck looked when he was sitting on Raleigh's bed with his head thrown back in laughter and Max sitting on his lap, the way that sixteen year old Chuck looked as he shoveled food into his mouth while trying to talk at the same time, the way that sixteen year old Chuck would light up when Raleigh brought him some new, disgusting chip flavor to try.

Raleigh thought about this as they ran: the deep lines that etched into twenty-one year old Chuck's face when he was concentrating on something and the way that he rolled his lip between his teeth as he tried to figure out a problem, the way that twenty-one year old Chuck sat with his back straight and 'fuck off' projecting from his eyes even as he pulled Max close and scratched at his ears until the dog was a drooling mess, the way that twenty-one year old Chuck puffed up with pride whenever someone mentioned his achievements and how defensive he got when someone dared to say something bad about Striker Eureka, the way that twenty-one year old Chuck huffed about his father but watched what Herc ate at meal times with careful eyes and always leaned in to steal half of his food under the guise of being a little shit when Herc was eating far too unhealthily for a man his age.

Raleigh thought about this as he ran: the way that Chuck would look at twenty-five when he had just woken up, shirtless and scratching at the trail of hair down his chest as he drawled out Raleigh's name and asked what was for breakfast, the way that Chuck would look when he was thirty and the kaiju had been long enough for some of the tension to have finally seeped out of his shoulders, the way that Chuck would scream when he was in his forties and discovered his hair was beginning to thin like Herc's did and how his voice would rocket up a few decibels as he demanded that Raleigh stop laughing at him, the way that Chuck would tease Raleigh for being old when he hit his seventies even though Chuck was in his sixties himself.

He knew it was cruel to think since Mako loved Stacker and he had been a fantastic man, but all Raleigh could think about was how Stacker had gotten to live his life and how desperately Raleigh wanted to be able to live his with Chuck.

* * *

The two of them burst onto the command deck in a flurry of movement and noise.

Every eye in the room turned towards them. There was only one that Raleigh cared about - Hercules Hansen who was looking at Raleigh with relief shining in his life and a smile on his face for the first time since Striker Eureka had gone down.

Raleigh didn't need Herc to say it to know that it was Chuck.

The pilot that they'd found alive was Chuck.

He felt his legs turn to jello, wobbling for a moment before giving way completely. His knees hit the ground sharply, sending pain shooting up his thighs that Raleigh barely registered.

His eyes were filling with tears quickly. Raleigh couldn't remember ever having cried in a room full of people like this, but he didn't think he could stop the tears from falling if he wanted to. Not when he had just found out that Chuck was alive after thinking he was dead for four days.

"Raleigh," Mako said, her voice soft as she kneeled beside him.

"I'm so sorry," he told her, choking the words out around the sobs threatening to crawl out of his throat. "I know you wanted it to be the Marshall."

"It's okay," she murmured. Her hands moved from his shoulders to his head, brushing against his forehead to push his hair back. "It's okay, Raleigh. You love Chuck. You don't have to apologize to me for that. You do not have to apologize to me for being happy that he's alive."

* * *

Raleigh shot to his feet as soon as the doors in front of him opened. He had been waiting near the medbay for two hours, Mako having forced him to shower and change and eat before coming to wait for them to bring Chuck back.

Chuck was on a stretcher pulled by two of the medical staff, Herc running alongside them. There was a shock blanket wrapped around him so Raleigh couldn't see any injuries on his body, but he could see that they had Chuck laying down and his head locked in a brace.

Herc glanced up as they wheeled Chuck into the room. Catching sight of Raleigh, he said, "Becket."

Raleigh opened his mouth to ask how Chuck was, only to be stopped by Chuck saying, "Becket? Raleigh's here?" There was a distinctly airy quality to his voice, different than anything Raleigh had heard from him before.

"He's on painkillers," Herc told Raleigh, before he could ask. Something dark flashed across his face. "He's not in good shape, but they didn't have anything to knock him out like they wanted."

Chuck and Stacker had gotten the shit kicked out of them while they were in Eureka. Raleigh had heard the strain in their voices as they said goodbye, heard the screeching alerts and crackling wires in the background. Then Chuck had been stuck in an escape pod for four days. They all had food, water, and basic medical supplies but they weren't meant to be used very long so there wasn't very much.

"Daaaaad," Chuck said, drawing the word out long. Raleigh was worried about him, but it soothed something inside him to hear him like this. "Are you talking to Raleigh? I wanna talk to Raleigh."

There was a quiet moment before one of the doctors said, "We should hurry, but a minute or two won't hurt."

Herc's face twisted. For a moment Raleigh thought he was going to say no, but then he sighed. He jerked his head, giving quiet permission for Raleigh to come forward, and said, "Don't let him get up or move his head too much."

"Alright. Thank you, sir." Herc stepped back, allowing Raleigh to slip into the space he'd been occupying. As he settled, he looked down at Chuck. His face was a little purple and bruised and there was blood matted at his hairline that worried Raleigh, but he was staring up at Raleigh with hazy blue eyes.

"Hey Raaaaahleigh," Chuck said drawing his name out.

"Hey Chuck," Raleigh said. Without really thinking about it, Raleigh reached up to put his hand Chuck's face. He moved his hand carefully over Chuck's hair, feeling where blood and sweat had turned it wet and stuck it together. It was a little gross, but Raleigh was really just happy that he got to touch Chuck again. "How you feeling?"

"Good. Really goooood," Chuck told him.

Raleigh couldn't help the laugh that fell from his lips. "Yeah, I bet. Clearly they gave you the strong stuff."

"Mhm." He murmured, "You said you love me."

"I do love you," Raleigh said. He slid his thumb against Chuck's forehead, reveling in the warmth of the boy below him. "I love you so much."

"You said that before and you left me."

"I know. We'll talk about that once you're feeling a little better, okay?" He moved so he was cradling Chuck's jaw instead of brushing against his chair. Chuck let out a content hum, leaning into the sound. "But I'm not leaving again, alright? I'm gonna be right next to you when you wake up."

"You promise?"

Raleigh leaned down, pressing his lips against Chuck's forehead and murmuring against his skin, "Absolutely."

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Hello everyone! I made [this](http://thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com/post/172264545800/recently-ive-been-reading-pacific-rim-fic-again) post about a headcanon of mine ages ago and now I finally wrote it!
> 
> 2) Title of the second section is a quote from The Great Pearl of Wisdom
> 
> 3) I don't know why Striker Eureka and Gipsy Danger are stationed together in this fic or why Chuck can just leave the Academy without consequences but yolo. It's fic and I needed everyone in one place!


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